Quotes

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heruca
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Quotes

Post by heruca » Sun Dec 11, 2005 12:22 pm

Though I'd start a totally off-topic thread: funny or interesting quotes. Feel free to add your own.

I'll kick it off with some from Steven Wright.

1 . I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 . Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3 . Half the people you know are below average.
4 . 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 . 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6 . A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7 . A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8 . If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
9 . All those who believe in psycho-kinesis, raise my hand.
10 . The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11 . I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
12 . OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13 . How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14 . If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15 . Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16 . When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17 . Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18 . Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
19 . I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.
20 . If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21 . Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22 . What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23 . My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
24 . Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
25 . If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26 . A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27 . Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28 . The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread. 29 . To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30 . The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31 . The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32 . The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33 . Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
:arrow: Please help spread the word about BRPG and BGE, and never hesitate to tell me how I can make them better suit your gaming needs.

dDemonicAngels
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Post by dDemonicAngels » Sun Dec 11, 2005 12:51 pm

34. Black Holes are where God divided by zero.
35. Money Talks ... but all mine ever says is Goodbye!
37. I'm in shape ... round's a shape isn't it?
38. I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this?
39. Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
40. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
41. Dolphins: Don't trust a species that's always smiling, its up to something!
42. A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.
43. Hard work never hurt anyone, but why take the chance.
44. 1st rule of intelligent tinkering - save all the parts.
45. I saw Elvis. He sat between me and Bigfoot on the UFO.


dDA
(too much time on my hands!)

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Post by dDemonicAngels » Sun Dec 11, 2005 1:18 pm

46. Where is the good in 'good bye'?
47. One of the weaknesses of our society is that history is still news to most people.
48. Just because I disagree with you doesn't mean I'm disagreeable.
49. The mind is like an iceberg, it floats with one-seventh of its bulk above water.
50. When the only tool you have is a hammer you tend to see every problem as a nail.
51. A father is a guy who has snapshots in his wallet where his money used to be.
52. Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
53. Men are like steel; both are worthless when they loose their temper.
54. What if "the hokey pokey" is REALLY what it's all about?
55. We are the people our parents warned us about.
56. Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well, I have others.
57. The nice part of living in a small town is that when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does.
58. USA Today has come out with a new survey-apparently, three out of every four people make up 75 percent of the population.
59. You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R.
60. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
61. Try not. Do or do not, there is no try.
62. I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.
63. If everything's under control, you're going too slow.
64. Start off everyday with a simple smile and get it over with.
65. Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home.
66. I could have been a Rhodes Scholar, except for my grades.
67. Always remember Goliath was a 40 point favorite over David.
68. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.
69. I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
70. To err is dysfunctional, to forgive co-dependent.
71. An old friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a dead body.
72. I wonder what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the US Congress.
73. I either get what I want or I change my mind.
74. I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
75. If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
76. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
77. If you can't convince them, confuse them.
78. If you want to forget all your other troubles, wear too tight shoes.
79. The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.
80. I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o clock in the morning.
81. Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.
82. Books serve to show a man that those original thoughts of his aren't very new after all.
83. Horse sense is a good judgement which keeps horses from betting on people.
84. I can resist everything except temptation.
85. Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
86. The wise man can pick up a grain of sand and envision a whole universe. But the stupid man will just lay down on some seaweed and roll around in it until he's completely draped in it. Then he'll stand up and go hey, I'm Vine Man.

dDA
(way too much time on my hands :D )

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heruca
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Post by heruca » Sun Dec 11, 2005 1:36 pm

Good ones, dDA!

Are those all by Steven Wright as well? #61 made me wonder.
:arrow: Please help spread the word about BRPG and BGE, and never hesitate to tell me how I can make them better suit your gaming needs.

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masterlurker
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Post by masterlurker » Sun Dec 11, 2005 5:21 pm

heruca wrote:Good ones, dDA!

Are those all by Steven Wright as well? #61 made me wonder.
LOL, that's from Yoda =P

87.) Only the dead have seen the end of war. (attrib. to Plato)
88.) Who dares wins. (Motto of the 22nd Special Air Service)
89.) Victory loves prudence. (Latin proverb)
90.) When the game is done, the king and pawn go back in the same box. (Italian proverb)
91.) Great empires are not maintained by timidity. (Tacitus)
92.) A peoples voice is dangerous when charged with wrath. (Aeschylus)
93.) It is right to learn, even from the enemy. (AEsop)
94.) The great mass of people... will more easily fall victim to a big lie than to a small one. (Hitler)
95.) Brave men are a citys strongest tower of defense. (Alcaeus)
96.) A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic. (Stalin)
97.) There flopped . . . something I cannot and must not recall. (HP Lovecraft)
98.) No conqueror believes in chance. (Nietzsche)
99.) I think the slain care little if they sleep or rise again. (Aeschylus)
100.) Time, the devourer of all things. (Ovid)

Just be glad I can't find my Shakespeare.
~lurker~
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. -- Mark Twain

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Steel Rat
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Post by Steel Rat » Sun Dec 11, 2005 7:56 pm

101. No matter where you go, there you are (Buckaroo Banzai)
102. Beggars can't be choosers, and chiggers can't be boozers. (B. Kliban)
103. Do unto others, then run. (Benny Hill, et al.)
104. That really s***s me off. (Sithlord)
105. Are you suggesting... eating my mother?? (Monty Python)
106. My hovercraft is full of eels. (Monty Python)
107. No more beans, man! This place is starting to smell like the inside of a packet of dry roasted peanuts! (Dave Lister, Red Dwarf)

Just a few to keep things going.
Steel Rat
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RPGMapShare.com - Free map and mapping object repository.

dDemonicAngels
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Post by dDemonicAngels » Sun Dec 11, 2005 9:22 pm

My quotes are from everyone and their mother. You're not gonna make me go back and identify them, are you? <sigh>

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Post by Steel Rat » Sun Dec 11, 2005 9:33 pm

Actually it might be more fun if we left the IDs off and let people try to guess.
Steel Rat
Infinite Ordnance: Military RPG supplements
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